Wednesday, May 12, 2010

SICK AND TIRED!!!

I have been dealing with debilitating back pain for 2 and a half years now, and every month it just seems to get worse and worse and worse...

I have missed 2 sick days every month since January through Mid-May which is not like me at all! I am normally the one not using up any sick or vacation time. But when your body refuses to do anything but roll into a ball on the bed, it's pretty hard to go into work let alone make it to the kitchen to eat anything...

So I have been to the doctor about 10 times over the past 2 years, 1 spine specialist, and 1 Chiropractic Doctor. I have had X-Rays, Ultrasounds, CT scans, and an MRI...and they say I am perfectly healthy.
(Sure, that's right...because everyone has back pain so terrible that they stay in bed for 2 days straight too.)

The last Chiropractic Doctor said it was something to do with my L5 vertebrae, but I am thoroughly convinced he was trying to sell me his $4200 Spinal Decompression procedure... However after 1 free session, my back was sore, and moved into the worst back pain I have every experienced. I called into sick for 2 days, with my upper left arm basically attached to my side because I couldn't move it. (of course this mistake almost cost me my job.) SO sorry my brain could only function enough to handle the phone let think about emails, or phone calls, or clients.

However at this point, the doctors are not aware that the pain has caused me to miss so much work I could lose my job. I am so fed up with dealing with pain EVERY DAY of my life for the past 2 and a half years. I try not to burden anyone with my pain, because it's not their fault and I don't want to draw attention to myself, but I constantly feel it every day, every second. I am great at hiding my feelings.I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

At this time I DESPERATELY need help because I can barely function at work, I still enjoy events with friends, but have to medicate myself to even start to enjoy myself. If you see me more quiet than usual, it means I need more pain medication...I am terribly depressed because I have not lived a normal life for over 2 years. I try to exercise because they say it helps, but I have no energy to run the track. I can walk around a few times, but then I have to come home and rest for an hour. I feel like I am 80 in a 27 year old body.

Please God, will you look upon my body and bless it with healing and positive energy so I can live a life worth living. I need this for myself and for my family, as well as for my sanity! I can't go on much more with this pain.

3 comments:

  1. Oh Nicole!

    I had no idea you were in so much pain. I knew you had some back issues but had no idea it was so painful for you both physically and emotionally as well.

    I know your job is stressful and that can't help when you have a bad back.

    I just hope you can find some peace in all this! I know how it feels to not want to draw attention to your pains but sometimes its even less healthy to keep it all inside.

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  2. This is the second time I tried to post so sorry if you get one that looks like it is from Jess!

    Oh Nicole!

    I had no idea you were in so much pain both physically and emotionally.

    I hope you can find some peace in all this. I know what if feels like sometimes to want to keep your pain to yourself but often is worse to keep it all inside.

    If you ever need anything know you can always call!

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  3. Yikes...that's horrible :-(

    You've probably thought of this but if not, have you been tested for endometriosis? Sounds like it could be that.

    So sorry that you're feeling horrible.

    Sending you lots of good healing vibes!!
    xoxo

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