A few wonderful things I learned from an awesome little book!
The Pocket Therapist by Therese J. Borchard
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quite voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’ – Mary Anne Radmacher
One definition of insanity, and I’d throw in suffering, is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. It’s so easy to see this pattern in others, but I can be so blind with my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. That’s why, when I’m in enough pain, I write everything down- So I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had coffee with the person who was more interested in my choice of coffee drink than in my health, or after a phone call with a relative who enjoys pressing my bitchy buttons. The case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much strong once you can read the evidence provided from the past.
Don’t take anything personally. If you can pull this off, you spare yourself a lot of suffering, not to mention free up oodles of brain capacity. So when I think that a friend is upset with me by the way she is acting-not returning my phone calls or is blowing me off,- but she hasn’t said anything to me, I don’t need to worry about it. Not until she spills her can of whoop-ass all over me do I have to worry my neurotic little head about what’s going on in her limbic system. And guess what? Even then, I still don’t’ have to claim it. That’s entirely up to me! “Even when a situation seems so personal, even if other insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements in their own minds.”
Befriend yourself. Have you ever wondered how long one of your friends would stick with you if you talked to her the way you shout at yourself? My therapist calls me on this dichotomy practically every session. “What would you say to a friend in your shoes?” She’ll ask me. “I’d tell her to be gentle with herself, to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, and spend three hours watching Oprah if it made her feel better.” Of course I need not go that far. Most of the time, all I have to do is put away the whip and make myself a friendship bracelet instead.
Bawl your eyes out. Tears remove toxins from our body. Emotional tears contain more toxic byproducts that tears of irritation, like when you peel an onion, indicating that weeping is surely nature’s way of cleansing the heart and mind. Second, tears elevate mood. It lowers a person’s manganese level which can cause anxiety, nervousness, irritability, fatigue, and aggression. Finally, crying is cathartic. It’s as if your boyd has been accumulating hurts and resentments and fears, until your limbic system runs out of room and then, like a volcano, the toxic gunk spews forth everywhere… That’s good, because the cardiovascular and nervous systems run more smoothly after some emotional perspiration.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Save Me, San Francisco Music Video
As you all know, a few years ago Micky and I attend a taping of the Music video Save Me, San Francisco by the musical group Train. http://nicoleinsidemymind.blogspot.com/2010/07/train-music-video-7142010.html
The video was finally completed so here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zftcZYdOl3Y
You can't miss Mick, the bald dad of the groom, and you can see my bumm around :25 and :28 seconds into the video.
The video was finally completed so here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zftcZYdOl3Y
You can't miss Mick, the bald dad of the groom, and you can see my bumm around :25 and :28 seconds into the video.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Hard work pays off!
It’s the week of finals, and some may say that it’s normally really stressful and full of ups and downs. Well it has been that plus more. It’s been a really great week and it’s only Thursday!
Tuesday was the Spanish final and, to say the least, learning a foreign language is NOT my strong suit. Let’s just leave it as me passing the class. I am happy to have done that and still be able to use it towards my degree. I often think I need to move back to Arizona in order to surround myself in the language. That would sure help.
Then the Research Psychology final on Wednesday, scared to death, I have to get an A in this class! It can’t be that bad, can it? An hour and a half of fill in the blank, describe, and try to read the teachers mind. He offered to grade our tests after completing the 6 page test so I decide to stay after, as most students do. I am the second to last one done so I decide to stay and we discuss answers and I was able to debate a few of my answers and why I thought that way. On the last part of the test after he grades it he says, you are the first one to get this one right. Awesome! Discussing the test helps and I get an 81% on the test. Eh, not a good score in my eyes, but he said I was the second highest score so far, so I am happy! Later that afternoon, he told us the average for the final was 71%. Eek! Not sure how to express my feelings on this one, but I don’t think it’s good when most students barely pass. I often think it’s a reflection of the teacher, but I learned in this class that it’s the material. It’s confusing and complex and needs further discussion in order to understand. Anyway…We also learn that the class average is 81%, so he grades on a curve and bumps our grades up and mine shoots to a 94%. Shit, I’ll take that! I’ve never worked my ass off so hard for a class and it paid off, finally. AND, I really enjoyed the material too. It’s great to finally get to upper level courses that are actually interesting versus mandatory.
Today (Thursday) rolls around and it’s the math final. A few of us decide to meet at Denny’s to work on the test together at 10am, as the test is being posted at 8am. 8am comes and goes and no final is posted. 9am nothing. After calls and emails to the professor, nothing! Start freaking out! I text a few other students, and they don’t have it either. We decide to meet at Denny’s and wait for the test. Over an hour later, and nothing, finally at around 11:30 she posts it so we all complete it and get 100%. Well this finals week is the best finals week ever and I’ve taking part of a lot of finals weeks.
I reach out to my Psych professor to thank him for allowing me to take the class without the math prerequisite, and tell him the number of credits I am taking for my self-study in the Fall quarter. He reply’s back with a few good details about the self-study and then reports that I did well this quarter, and said “Your effort and the quality of your work was exceptional-- at the top of the class.”
Now, I am NOT one to brag, I actually HATE drawing attention to myself, but I had to write about it because it made me feel accomplished. I have not felt this good since I got good feedback from my old job at DDI. It’s really good to feel intelligent when you try your hardest! Hard work does pay off! Hopefully, I can get a professor recommendation letter for my application to UW. CROSS YOUR FINGERS!
Tuesday was the Spanish final and, to say the least, learning a foreign language is NOT my strong suit. Let’s just leave it as me passing the class. I am happy to have done that and still be able to use it towards my degree. I often think I need to move back to Arizona in order to surround myself in the language. That would sure help.
Then the Research Psychology final on Wednesday, scared to death, I have to get an A in this class! It can’t be that bad, can it? An hour and a half of fill in the blank, describe, and try to read the teachers mind. He offered to grade our tests after completing the 6 page test so I decide to stay after, as most students do. I am the second to last one done so I decide to stay and we discuss answers and I was able to debate a few of my answers and why I thought that way. On the last part of the test after he grades it he says, you are the first one to get this one right. Awesome! Discussing the test helps and I get an 81% on the test. Eh, not a good score in my eyes, but he said I was the second highest score so far, so I am happy! Later that afternoon, he told us the average for the final was 71%. Eek! Not sure how to express my feelings on this one, but I don’t think it’s good when most students barely pass. I often think it’s a reflection of the teacher, but I learned in this class that it’s the material. It’s confusing and complex and needs further discussion in order to understand. Anyway…We also learn that the class average is 81%, so he grades on a curve and bumps our grades up and mine shoots to a 94%. Shit, I’ll take that! I’ve never worked my ass off so hard for a class and it paid off, finally. AND, I really enjoyed the material too. It’s great to finally get to upper level courses that are actually interesting versus mandatory.
Today (Thursday) rolls around and it’s the math final. A few of us decide to meet at Denny’s to work on the test together at 10am, as the test is being posted at 8am. 8am comes and goes and no final is posted. 9am nothing. After calls and emails to the professor, nothing! Start freaking out! I text a few other students, and they don’t have it either. We decide to meet at Denny’s and wait for the test. Over an hour later, and nothing, finally at around 11:30 she posts it so we all complete it and get 100%. Well this finals week is the best finals week ever and I’ve taking part of a lot of finals weeks.
I reach out to my Psych professor to thank him for allowing me to take the class without the math prerequisite, and tell him the number of credits I am taking for my self-study in the Fall quarter. He reply’s back with a few good details about the self-study and then reports that I did well this quarter, and said “Your effort and the quality of your work was exceptional-- at the top of the class.”
Now, I am NOT one to brag, I actually HATE drawing attention to myself, but I had to write about it because it made me feel accomplished. I have not felt this good since I got good feedback from my old job at DDI. It’s really good to feel intelligent when you try your hardest! Hard work does pay off! Hopefully, I can get a professor recommendation letter for my application to UW. CROSS YOUR FINGERS!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Nat Geo Explorer Struck By Lightning
I learned some new things during this show! It was amazing. I have never stared at the tv for so long without blinking. haha.
A lot of the “survivors” had weird memory problems due to the brains reaction to the really strong electricity. They did fMRI’s on survivor’s brains and showed them a video of blinking dots one after another and then after the last dot disappears the person has to remember where it was on the screen. They found that more brain areas react but it’s at lower levels. The frontal lobe has little reaction when the person is thinking of where the dot was. So in essence they have to think harder because their brain is just not reacting normally. Which I have to tell you, I find this to be true. I often have to close my eyes and forget about outside stimuli in order to remember where I put something. Even at work I find myself forgetting silly things and have to strain to remember where an item is.
Most lightning survivors also have strange physical pains in different parts of the body that can't be pin-pointed to any specific thing. (Remember you of my back pain?) Doctors say it's mostly related to the nervous system damage that the lightning causes as it electrifies the body. It damages the nerves and when they are damaged they lose their sense of when to let the body know there is pain present.
I found some doctors in Chicago that are specialists in the human body after it’s been struck by lightning, so I’m researching them because it would be great to know more. I just wish folks, especially the university admissions office, would know about my struggle and it’s hard to express to people, or even admit, that I’m just not what I used to be! In all honesty, I downplay lightning, but I do think it’s a cause of some of the negative issues in my life. A lot of the times people just wish they would have died so they didn’t have to deal with the lifelong effects of being a lightning survivor.
P.S. I know people don’t think much about lighting, and think it’s pretty, which I agree, but it’s not taken seriously and I think people need to really take care of themselves and get inside with any inclination of a storm approaching. Just like the bomb-squad t-shirt says “if you see me running, you better run too,” the same goes for me and lightning. If you see me go indoors before a storm, you should too!
A lot of the “survivors” had weird memory problems due to the brains reaction to the really strong electricity. They did fMRI’s on survivor’s brains and showed them a video of blinking dots one after another and then after the last dot disappears the person has to remember where it was on the screen. They found that more brain areas react but it’s at lower levels. The frontal lobe has little reaction when the person is thinking of where the dot was. So in essence they have to think harder because their brain is just not reacting normally. Which I have to tell you, I find this to be true. I often have to close my eyes and forget about outside stimuli in order to remember where I put something. Even at work I find myself forgetting silly things and have to strain to remember where an item is.
Most lightning survivors also have strange physical pains in different parts of the body that can't be pin-pointed to any specific thing. (Remember you of my back pain?) Doctors say it's mostly related to the nervous system damage that the lightning causes as it electrifies the body. It damages the nerves and when they are damaged they lose their sense of when to let the body know there is pain present.
I found some doctors in Chicago that are specialists in the human body after it’s been struck by lightning, so I’m researching them because it would be great to know more. I just wish folks, especially the university admissions office, would know about my struggle and it’s hard to express to people, or even admit, that I’m just not what I used to be! In all honesty, I downplay lightning, but I do think it’s a cause of some of the negative issues in my life. A lot of the times people just wish they would have died so they didn’t have to deal with the lifelong effects of being a lightning survivor.
P.S. I know people don’t think much about lighting, and think it’s pretty, which I agree, but it’s not taken seriously and I think people need to really take care of themselves and get inside with any inclination of a storm approaching. Just like the bomb-squad t-shirt says “if you see me running, you better run too,” the same goes for me and lightning. If you see me go indoors before a storm, you should too!
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